Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize