Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
