i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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