Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
