I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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