So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am midnight drunk by noon
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
