You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
