If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
