I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
