If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
