I'm lost and stupid without you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
