My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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