LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
