I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So apparently I’m into choking now
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