My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
