Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
