remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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