Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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