How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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