btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
