I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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