apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
