Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
