Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
