dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
