If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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