her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
