you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
