You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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