I just cut my nipple shaving
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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