are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
