Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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