The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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