and you said cock pushups were impossible
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize