I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
