what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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