What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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