Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
