guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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