does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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