My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
