I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
