my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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