Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
