then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
