Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
