I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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