Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
