I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
