Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
