Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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