Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
