And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize