tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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