Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
