Non-Jews are for practice
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
