i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
