this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
