He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
