I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
